OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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