she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
