we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
