Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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