she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
