You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
