you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
