At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
