I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
