i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
