I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
