I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
