I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
