I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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