I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
