I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I smell stomach acid.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
