You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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