I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
