I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
