her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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