I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
