I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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