I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
