Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
