He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
