Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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