Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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