i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
