The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
