I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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