I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
