at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
