Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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