walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
