the condom got lost in my hair
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
