You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
