She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have aggressive nipples.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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