yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
