Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
