why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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