a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
