it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
