I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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