My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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