So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
