Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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