How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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