you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
