Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
