Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
