He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
