He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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