Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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